Amir al-Mu'minin Ali (AS) states: "قُورِنَتِ الْهَیْبَةُ بِالْخَیْبَةِ، وَالْحَیَاءُ بِالْحِرْمَانِ" (Al-Haybah is paired with disappointment, and shyness with deprivation). This blessed saying highlights the pervasive and destructive power of fear that has severely impacted human lives.
Fear's Connection to Failure, Disgrace, and Destruction:
Failure is linked with fear, disgrace with fear, dishonor with fear, and destruction with fear. The most degrading form of destruction is to kill through fear. This is not limited to physical death; it also leads to psychological and spiritual ruin.
Roots of Fear in Childhood:
Unfortunately, parents often instill fear in children under the guise of upbringing. Both mothers and fathers unknowingly try to get things done by frightening their children. Children are threatened that if they don't do this or that, "this will happen," "that will eat you."
- Sons are sent to school in fear, education is also given through fear.
- Every task is done by instilling fear.
Dear ones! Fear destroys the abilities present in a person's heart. Fear ruins a person, which manifests as hesitation and shame. Children who lack courage cannot express themselves due to fear.
Fear and Physical & Psychological Illnesses:
Today, many physical illnesses are caused by psychological complexities, and the biggest element behind psychological complexities is fear.
- Stuttering. Medical check-ups find no physical defect, yet stuttering persists. The reason is hidden fear.
These are not illnesses that can be cured by injections or tablets. The roots of these illnesses are embedded in the mind, subconscious, and childhood experiences.
Fear as a Weapon in Upbringing:
Regrettably, mothers often frighten children more in homes. Frightening is considered the only weapon of upbringing. Threats and intimidation are used in everything. "Wear clothes, or that will eat you," "Drink milk, or the ghost will eat you." Different scare tactics are used in different regions.
Temporary Gain, Permanent Loss:
When a child is made to work through fear, the immediate problem is solved, but the child's problem becomes permanent. This fear is stored in the subconscious and begins to show its effect at some stage as age increases. This same fear turns into illnesses in old age.
Fear and Infertility:
How many people are there who do not have children, even though both are medically fine? The reason is fear. Psychological fear weakens human sperm and makes them infertile. Childlessness is a major problem, and one reason for it is fear.
Fear and Failure in Education:
How many people work hard but do not get results, especially in education? Despite being very intelligent, they cannot study because they are made fearful.
Intellectual Fear vs. Psychological Fear:
Dear ones! Intellectual fear creates strength in a person, but psychological fear creates weakness and frailty in a person.
Manifestations of Fear:
Fear manifests in many ways, such as failure, hesitation, and shame. This fear stays with a person for years, even up to a hundred years.
Fear of Asking Questions:
In many things, people do not ask questions due to fear. They do not know something and are afraid to ask anyone. There is fear of what people will say.
Fear is a destructive force that can affect every aspect of human life. The effects of fear-based upbringing in childhood are long-lasting. There is a need for us to understand the roots of fear and nurture our children in an environment of compassion, love, and trust. Do not be ashamed to ask questions, acquire knowledge, and defeat fear.
Taken From one of the lectures of Syed Jawad Naqvi
Fear Leading to Failure
Fear can stop us from taking risks or trying new things, which might lead to missing out on opportunities. For example, in psychology, people with a high fear of failure often avoid challenges, which can result in actual failure (The Shame of Failure: Examining the Link Between Fear of Failure and Shame). In business, entrepreneurs might not start new ventures due to fear of financial loss or social stigma, as noted in a 2016 study by Cacciotti et al. (The Shame of Failure: Examining the Link Between Fear of Failure and Shame).
Fear and Shame: Sociological and Personal Dimensions
Shame is closely linked with fear, particularly when failure is public or socially judged. Sociologically, fear can lead to shame through the anticipation of social rejection or stigma. For example, a 2022 study on stigma and clinical encounters highlights how fear of exposure can lead to shame anxiety, especially in health-related contexts, affecting social interactions and mental well-being (Shame anxiety, stigma and clinical encounters).
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